dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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