Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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