Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
