I wanna bring you to show and tell
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
