We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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