She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
this boner is exhausting
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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