i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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