man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
