so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
