so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
