did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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