He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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