Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
