I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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