omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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