If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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