Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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