I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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