I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
