Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
