I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
