$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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