Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
