i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
