Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
