Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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