I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
