When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
