LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
