I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
