I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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