my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just want nice things and good sex
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
