I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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