I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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