I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize