Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
