I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
