Pants 0. Shit 1.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I did not marry a roomba.
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