You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
