I could have mohawked her pubes.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
His hands were made for my vagina.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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