i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
time to smoke my breakfast
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
