No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
