How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
