I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
