You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
don't judge my taste in strippers
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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