So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
