We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
