I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
