So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
