the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
