You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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