First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
