"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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