i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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