Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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