DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
