About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
