I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
time to smoke my breakfast
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize