Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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