Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
In America we eat man semen.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
