I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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