I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Semen is not good for contacts.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
