I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
