My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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